"I was a Dalek Minder"


Those devious Daleks have devastated and conquered planets across the galaxy, Spiridon, Kembel, even our own Earth of the future. Yet one place exists where the scourge of Skaro fear to glide. Where? “Staircases R Us”? The shooting range on Michael’s Grade’s country estate? The R2-D2 Appreciation Society’s headquarters? What is making our pesky pepperpots palpitate so? A summer fete. Coordinates: Amersham, UK. Earth Year 2012.

Are you swivelling comfortably? Then I’ll begin. Once upon a time, a lone Dalek, by the name of Orion, travelled to Amersham on a reconnaissance mission, ahead of the 2150 Invasion of Earth. He was to find the optimum location for building a mine where human slaves would dig down to and extract the Earth’s magnetic core. The Emperor Dalek had instructed him not to exterminate under any circumstances. He was to appear harmless. But how could poor defenceless Orion protect himself against the hordes of children at Amersham summer fete, location of the only time portal linking Skaro to Earth. Apparently the human infants were fans of an unheard of TV show, “Doctor Who” utterly unbeknown to Dalek-kind. (In fact Skaro has not been included in the list of locations destined for the 2013 Anniversary simulcast). Orion was worried. These tiny terrestrial terrors might get their grubby mits on his bumps, gun and even eyestalk! His vision would be impaired and Orion would be as powerless as Davros at the dodgems. 

But Orion had a plan. The Daleks had an important ally on Earth. The mysterious Paul Allen. To fellow humans a likeable, hard-working credit analyst but in reality he was a Dalek sleeper agent. Orion would activate him and Paul would become a fearsome “Dalek Minder”…

He was not the only one. A team of three other Dalek agents would defend Orion from the human threat, going under the name “Charity Daleks”. The Emperor Dalek drew up a document to trick the human authorities and make the Daleks seem totally harmless. Apparently a standard “health and safety” procedure, this document has now come to light and can be published here for the first time. (See below)

According to secret records on Skaro, the Amersham mission was considered successful but after several reconnaissance missions in the south of England a more suitable area in Bedfordshire was chosen for the mine… 

The Dalek Minder speaks: 

“Hello! Paul here! Whovian Leap has gone for a lie down. I am afraid his imagination has got a little carried away. I was indeed a Dalek Minder and the Dalek we hired was called Orion. It was from “Charity Dalek” who lovingly made the Dalek by hand. (http://www.charitydalek.org.uk)  The first photo is of Orion with his Dalek minders, being operated by Vince, the gentleman wearing the red t-shirt and green cap from Charity Dalek. The Dalek could speak and was operated by Vince remotely. The Dalek gave witty quips in response to cheeky children who were convinced that someone was inside. When they saw there wasn’t, it spooked some children. It even fooled me to start with! As you can see the children were kept well out of the way in case they or the Dalek got hurt. Fortunately the Dalek minders didn’t have to throw their weight around too much and everyone had an enjoyable day. I even got to help disassemble Orion and put him back in the van and we all went home tired but happy.”




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